Sunday, May 21, 2006>
so... it was just another week of hell in school, as usual. whats more, they're giving us back our papers. i did horribly atrociously badly, the only good thing was my english, i got 61 ! it was the highest but still, bullshit la. highest still b4 only. i want an A ! anyway, the stupid passage was about man-apes so everyone lost interest anyway.
finally came back to soccer training on saturday. god-i-played-like-shit. my fitness was down and i was just so blur throught the training matches. i could go past defenders with my speed and with a fient of my body or some flicks here and there but today, i dummied to the right and wanted to run to the left, and ended up losing my balance instead. ot once, not twice, but many many times. or maybe-- was i just too tired from all the physical activity during the entire week? cause it was like everyday i had to do physical stuff, be it gym, playing football or running bout the neighbouhood. match coming up soon! no more excuses.
so after training, i went home, took a bath and my afternoon nap before going back to church after 2 months of missing in action; due to some personal problems. i couldnt sleep due to some stupid drilling noises coming from our neighbours. but the unexpected happen, i had a nightmare. yes, nightmare while having an afternoon nap. i never even had a nightmare before, and it had to happen at this this.
well, i couldnt remember what really happened, in the 'dream' , i came out of the toilet, shocked. i looked around and my friends were were waiting for me outside were gone, and the lights were all off. i couldnt remember what place was it tho. i just walked around the place looking for the exit but i felt something behind me. i didnt dare to look back, and at that moment i walked past a television screen and decided to glance at the screen's reflection of what was behind me. to my horror- nothing like i've ever seen. it was some demon shit thingy crawling on all fours following my back all this while. upon its sight, i screamed. it just frightened the hell outta me. i've never feared so much in my life before. when i started to scream, suddenly it was back to the real world, i was still lying on my bed, but screaming as if i had no voice, and i couldn't move my body at all; literally. i was just paraylzed. i couldnt even open my eyes, it was just half open. all i could see was a blurred image of that thing moving closer and closer towards me. 5 mins later, all ended and i laid sweating on my bed. i quickly sms-ed a church leader asking him what had just happened.
when i went to church soon after, i met him and he told me, when i sms-ed him, the pastor was just talking about nightmares. coincidence or what? couldnt be. its believed that it was because i decided to come back to church that day, and that the devil was putting such thoughts in my mind to frighten me, and mess me up; trying to stop me in whatever means he could. yes, i've been so far away from God now, not that hes far away from me. im the one whos drifting away. i want to come back. but its just so hard. after service, was prayed for me everything was alright again. chilled during dinner and had a few games of pool before going home. talked to a few people online who managed to make me feel better after what happened this afternoon. yes, i know it was just a nightmare but it was just so real. so so real. i didnt dare to sleep that night. had i had my eyes open, lying on my bed, afraid it would happen again. well, but i prayed. and i had the sweetest of dreams. thank God.and today i woke up at 1 pm. haha.
ooh, one more thing. i've been thinking. i really love talking to you. could things turn out well? ((:
-all i want to do is to fall into the emptiness, that is, the space between us.
sucide notes and butterfly kisses-
1:11 AM
